A Lot of Things Were Swept Today

Twins 3, Bitch Sox 1
Twins 4, Bitch Sox 3
Twins 11, Tiggers 1
Twins 4, Tiggers 1
Twins 7, Tiggers 6

....including my kitchen and the Tigers.

First off: HAPPY FREAKIN' BIRTHDAY TO a man who has respectfully captured my wholesome heart: KEVIN SLOWEY! And to Matt Tolbert, who also is adorable, but it's Kevin Michael Slowey's birthday. Seriously. And apparently he's going to be called up on Thursday to pitch instead of on the 10th, Saturday. Which I'm totally fine with except for the fact that.. uh, well, the Thursday game is at 2:05. And you know what? I'm a student and therefore I will probably be in SCHOOL. Gee freaking WHIZ. It was like that last time, on the 4th, when he got hurt? It was a day game and I was at school. So I missed it and was stuck with SQUEEZE PLAY. Whoopee?

In other news: S.W.E.E.P.
Seriously. How glorious this feels. 5 straight and #1 in the A.L. Central, baby. However, it came with some casualties, like Carlos getting smacked in the head and Scott Baker getting yanked in consecutive starts because of his groin injury. Which makes me giggle, but seriously, I really don't find it that funny. It's just a humorous word.



Yeah. I can't think of anything else to say, so. Bring on the Bitch Sox!

Just Because.

Rangers 10, Twins 0



Because we all need to cheer up a little bit on this off day, yeah?

P.S. Hey Kevin Slowey:
How about you come back? Like.. NOW? Thanks.

Baker's Dozen (... kinda)

Twins 12, Rangers 6

And while my "call" was not correct tonight, I had a blast watching the game tonight. I actually happened to take notes.

- In the third, a grounder rolls past Brendan Harris (who's known for his lack-of-range) and continues rolling into center. To me it looked like Craig Monroe, playing center for the injured Carlos Gomez, was just sauntering slowly over to the ball; Michael Cuddyer, playing right, must've gotten kind of maddened on account of Monroe's lack of hustle, because he ran in front of him and got the ball instead.
- Beginning of the fourth they showed a tiny kid wearing a Rangers hat that had airbrushed art on the side. He was eating a hot dog, and to me he looked like a major poser. I said to my mom something about his "gangsta" hat, and she followed with: "he looks pretty 'white bread' to me."
- I wrote on my sheet that "doritos are orgasmic." Yeah, I was eating them.
- Scott Baker strained a groin muscle. Now this marks that both my sister and I have lost boyfriends to injury. Myself having Kevin Slowey, her having Scott.
- Murphy's batting stance irritated me throughout the game.
- I told my dad that when we go to a Twins game this summer, I'm bringing a sign. Dad: "What, circle me Bart?" Me: "-lett." It made my parents chuckle.
- My mom calls Jarrod Saltalamacchia "Rainbow" because his name arcs around his number on his jersey. She also calls Ponson "Pontoon" after I told her that was his nickname from us Minnesotans. "I don't know what his real name is!"
- Me: "See, now, what would we be doing if I hadn't started watching the Twins?" Dad: "Watching something I actually want to watch." (He's a closet Twins fan. He refuses to admit he enjoys watching baseball..)
- Mom: "When's Michael's baby due again?" Me: "June, maybe?" Dad: ".. he's pregnant?"
- Dad: "Bases loaded. I hope Nicky's not up. Hey, Mike [Lamb], how about you do a little something for Bambi?"
- After seeing a commercial that featured a guy in a fugly sweater, my sister and I broke into a rousing chorus of "'CAUSE WHEN YOU'RE WEARING A STRIPED SWEATER..!"
- Dad: "Who's this?" Me: "MATT TOLBERT! He's like my boyfriend. I love him."
- Me: Dad, who's your Twins boyfriend? Dad: I don't lead an alternative lifestyle.
- My sister thinks that Max, my cat's, boyfriend is T.C. I said, "No, it has to be a player." Kara then said something about "Well T.C. is a playa!"
- My dad now calls Dennys Reyes "Sampler Plate."
- I didn't know Mauer could BUNT!
- My dad then said, "I think Delmon Young is my 'hero'." Me: "Oh, you mean your boyfriend?"
- Kara: 'All you can eat seats'? Cool, I want to eat a seat.
- Matt Tolbert has an uncanny ability to run into people on first base. The first inning, he ran into Pontoon at first, and then fell on his ass.. and later, probably in the 8th or so?, he ran into the first basemen again.
- We switched the channel to see what the score was for the Celtics game (they lost.) and when we went back, we saw Michael rounding the bases. "WE MISSED CUDDY'S HOME RUN? WHAT?!"
- My mom, after watching Neshek pitch a couple of outs: "Why does he put his butt out like that?"
- Bobby Korecky is short. Well, looking at his stats he's like 5'11, but I never said he was Nick Punto short.
- After watching Delmon Young's interview during Twins Live, I have come to the realization that he loves the word "uhhh."

I have decided I'm going to start a so-called "boyfriend of the day" to give me inspiration to actually change my blog around and make it not so.. boring. But since that's really common, I need to think of a different name for the prized ranking. I'll figure out what to call it later. It's late, and I'm tired. I know, I'm a weenie.

I'll also add a "boyfriend" section. So that those players who have stolen my heart, along with my family's, will be listed. So, if you want to stalk me, you know who I love. There you go.

And yes, in case you were wondering? I am a tagging whore. Thanks.

The Most Important News You've Never Read

Rangers 6, Twins 5 (10 innings)

Sidney flippin' Ponson is pitching. Obviously, I will be giving (almost) my full attention to the TV.

I'm calling that somebody's going to get hit by a pitch tonight. Of course, Mr. Pontoon will be the one who threw it. Maybe. Unless he's become totally poised and elegant now. (Too bad you can't hear me laughing at the moment.)

wb cuddy!!!11!1

Twins 5, A's 4
A's 3, Twins 0
A's 11, Twins 2

Pregame
I quit playing Guitar Hero to watch Telly Hughes interview people I would rather not hear talk? Seriously now. I don't need this. Oh well, whatever. We're playing the Rangers. If we don't win, I will cry. Well. Not really, but, still. It'll be close.

I figure I should say I'm VERY happy that Francisco is down in the minors now, but at the same time, I'm somewhat maddened. It's kinda like a big "I told you so" because I never thought Francisco was ready to be pulled up anyways. And allowing 6 runs in 2/3 innings is solid proof of my point. Huzzah. If only May would come sooner. I absolutely need (and by need I mean, "cannot survive much longer/will die without/misses/craves an egg roll right now.") my Kevin Slowey. I hope he knows I miss him. I'm glad he's rehabbing, obviously, but at the same time, I'm disheartened because I cannot even spy him in the dugout.

Am I the only person in the world -- I mean, in my general area -- that doesn't really care about Jason Kubel? He's too slow for my taste I guess. I like guys who can actually run, I've noticed. (i.e. Jason Bartlett, Kevin Slowey [I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and saying he's quick. so shh.], Nicky Punto, Matt Tolbert.) Sorry Kubes.

Top of the 1st
Even though I have an average of about a D in Geometry, I'm pretty sure I can do Carlos Gomez math. You see: b + hs^1 = bs. Anybody want to figure that one out?

Way to miss, Brendan. But squeals of joy after Carlos 'won' the stolen base battle vs. Kevin Millwood. I want him to steal a crapload of bases now after seeing he leads the A.L. central with 10 already. STUD plz.

Oh, a Mauer walk. You know what I just thought of? Walker, Texas Ranger. Instead, we'll take Mauer, Texas Ranger. But not really. What I actually meant was Mauer, Minnesota Twin. You ever wonder what people would do if Joe was sent outta town? I'm already aware that the women of Minnesota would rebel and kill Bill Smith. I would assist, but not because of Joe's leaving; mainly because of Jason Bartlett's departure. But I guess losing Joe would be a sad, sad day for myself, too.

..what do you mean the inning ended? I was too busy studying my split ends to notice.

Bottom of the 1st
Nice catch Nicky.
^ that was all I saw. I'm a little out of it, my apologies.

Top of the 2nd
Hahahaha. I thought Delmon Young was Carlos Gomez when I glanced at the TV. Oh, say, guys, are you liking the Matt Garza/Jason Bartlett/Delmon Young trade yet? I'm not. teehee.

I'm really not keeping my head right now.

Bottom of the 2nd
I'm super hungry.

2 outs? What is this?! I can't pay attention. Sad. Not like anyone else is either, though. Maybe it's because my sister (10) and her friend (10, has an intelligence level of .0000000000000000001) won't shut their freaking faces. Want to assist me in yelling at them?

Wow, a commercial. Again. uhm. I'm going to try and eat something.. maybe that'll focus me.

Top of the 3rd
Heeeyeyeyey, Gomez: you're adorable.

I think we need to score another run right here in this inning. And with Carlos at third with zeeeeerooo outs we should be eligible. That is, if Baby Jesus Joe can somehow get a hit.
..but if you want to take your second walk, that's cool.

0 out with the bases loaded for Morneauuuu. A nice thing would be a grand slam for ya, Justin--
GRAND SLAM for JUSTIN MORNEAU.

I can predict the f-ing future. Aww! Justin needs to smile more often. Canadian math: gs + rbi(x) = :). [x = 5 and counting]

Why are you, crack-smoking FSN staff, playing the theme song when there's only one out? Not cool.
P.S. thank you to the bottom of the line-up for SUCKING.

Bottom of the 3rd
Uhh it's 5-0 Twins in case you care.

Whoa now Nick. How'd it get to be runners at third and first with 0 out? Err, nevermind. I meant runners at first and second with 0 out. plus a run. Oh I ACTUALLY meant runners at second and third with 0 out plus TWO runs.

OH FOR GOD SAKES NICK BLACKBURN, THIS IS UNCALLED FOR. 0 outs and now it's at 5-4. and Delmon Young sucks at fielding. maybe. Oh and what the F. it's now 5-5 and there's STILL 0 outs. NICK BLACKBURN, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD. Like your last start. So you mean you can shut-out Cleveland but you suck against the Rangers?

heck yes. You can start some hot double plays Joe Mauer! but still, Blackburn. geez.

so I'm leaving to go eat now. and yeah. okay. I might be back.
might.

A-C-E! As Easy As 1-2-3, A-C-E. And I Mean Scott Baker.

Royals 5, Twins 1
Tigers 11, Twins 9
Tigers 6, Twins 5
Twins 6, Rays 5
Rays 7, Twins 3
Indians 4, Twins 0
Twins 3, Twins 0
Twins 2, Indians 1

As may be seen from the expansive list of scores, I'm an extremely lazy blogger but it's not as though people actually pay attention to me anyways. I am arguably seen most frequently over at Pulling a Blyleven so if you really want to follow my insanity around, go over there and look at the comment boxes.

I apologize for not being around during the Rays series (although I really do not see 2 games as a series, but, you know) but I was too busy bawling. Oh wait, that was only the first day. And if you're tempted to make "hahahahahaa you mean you actually like that Jason Bartlett guy, you know, the one that commits errors as frequently as rabbits repopulate?" jabs at me I just figure you should know that Adam Everett isn't doing too much for you, rabid Twins fan who I will only assume is bitter, so.. shut your freaking face.

We all know that Detroit has had a very suckish start this season, now being 6-13.. but Cleveland's right with them at 7-12. The Twins are at 9-10, and the Royals (whom my band director in school has recently expressed major interest in.. he's got down their manager's name and that's it so far) are 9-9. The White Sox lead the division with a record of 11-7, leaving us back only 2.5 games. It is early and everything can and probably will change, but it's still slightly hopeful for fans of the top 3 teams. Myself included in that category.

Today's game basically proved my thoughts that Scott Baker really is the Twins ace. As good of a pitcher as Livan is, he doesn't have super stuff like Scott... in fact, all the games he pitched I can't remember well. At all. Oh well.

I just lost my train of thought, sadly. Not like I was on the road to a point, but still. There was something there. Oh, maybe it was along the lines "congratulations to Nick Blackburn for actually getting a win this time around, along with major kudos to Brendan Harris, and Justin Morneau." However, the only thing I am really concerned about at the moment is.. Carlos Gomez. Seriously... he probably could have bruised a rib with that flying bounce on the ground to make such an amazing catch. I'd also like to make a point that I am extremely happy that he was not a competitor in my local Track and Field days as a child. My ass would definitely have been whooped. I already have enough last place ribbons, thanks.

42 42 42 42 42 42.

Top 4th (Twins 2, Tigers 1)
I've been watching the game since it started, but I was too busy eating a cherry slushie to really want to live blog. So.. here we go.

What is up with all of these Rays advertisements? Seriously, I'm getting pissed. You see, my family was planning on going to the games on Wednesday/Thursday, but my dad ended up having a business meeting. Well, then I was like, "hey, it's okay, I can still watch it on TV." But guess what? I have confirmation at 7-9. I'll be missing the Wednesday game (though I plan on taping it) but I'll be around on Thursday. I might live blog, maybe, but it all depends on if I'm bawling my eyes out or not. Ahah.

Oh, hey. So I like Craig Monroe. I really do, regardless of if he SUCKS or not. And Kubes, if you want to keep your spot in the line up, would you please stop striking out? Yeah.

And did anybody else notice that when we had a guy on first they said it was the end of the 4th, but then erased it? I guess somebody doesn't know how to count to three.

Bottom 4th (Twins 2, Tigers 1)
Ayyyy, Go-Go. In the 2nd..?, if anybody noticed, he hit himself with the bat because he popped out. Aww. It was cute.

TOLBERT. I like you a lot more at shortstop than that Adam Everett guy. How about you play there everyday? Yes, please.

Whoa now, Justincredible. Just because you're basically our Canadian Superman doesn't mean you can fumble around on a tiny little flying baseball and then get up to saunter over to first base like nothing's wrong. Even though you're almost invincible.

Top 5th (Twins 2, Tigers 1)
Hey, Tolbert's out. How in the world did he get out? I don't know, I was watching Craig Monroe talk. Aw. He's so nice. And happy Jackie Robinson Day, everybody! I think it's awesome that 5 of our guys decided to wear the jersey, but at the same time, wouldn't you feel kinda bad if you.. didn't? Oh, and I believe I read somewhere that all of the Rays players are going to wear Jackie's number. That's some dedication.

Carlos, Carlos, Carlos. I can't tell if he knew that was a strike or not because he always has that dazed look on his face.. oh well, that's kinda why we love him. I hope he knows he's a fan favorite over here in Minnesota. What about that Johan Santana? Yeah, I heard he got booed the other day. I figured that I should let you all know that I try to bring myself to dislike Johan but I just can't, for some reason. I feel bad for him. He should come back to Minnesota, free of charge. Anybody with me? Yeah, maybe not.

Whoa. What happened? Oh right, Brendan Harris got out. Don't worry, I still like him.

Bottom 5th (Twins 2, Tigers 1)
Oh, a single.

Oh, another single. RUN KUBEL RUN! Settle down now, Scott Baker. We don't have enough oxygen to go around when you start getting into trouble if you make Kubes run around out there in the field.

Random, but I really love baseball pants. I am such a girl.

WHAT KIND OF BUNT ATTEMPT WAS THAT, IVAN RODRIGUEZ?! Reminded me of a bunny. Here comes Ivan Cottontail, hoppin' down the bunny trail-- hey, that was an ugly jam/nub/bunt/hit/I-have-no-idea-where-the-ball-is-I'm-just-going-to-swing-at-it-and-hope-I-get-a-piece-of-it swing. Wow, we only have 1 out?

Oh my God. I love Carlos Gomez. When he attempts to throw, he does two things: he hoists the ball a surmountable amount of feet away, and in the process throws himself to the ground. Or almost. It looks kind of like a little dance move.. maybe. Oh well, whatever it is, it's adorable.

Yaaah, K.

Top 6th (Twins 2, Tigers 1)
Go Joe, go!

JUSTIN MORNEAU. (Score change! Twins 4, Tigers 1)
Obviously he liked that pitched, Bert. Bask in your own glory, Justin. You deserve it. 4th homerun? Hot.

Delmon Young got out? When? I didn't even notice. And now Kubel's up and.. and.. and... oh a strikeout. Nate Robertson has 5 strikeouts tonight - and Jason Kubel's making up 60% of that with 3!

Come on, Craig Monroe. I believe in you. I believeeeeeeeeee..
that you can get out.

6.25
THAT'S A BALK!

Oh, and don't call Ronnie.. he's a dillweed.

Bottom 6th (Twins 4, Tigers 1)
I didn't pay attention to the start of the inning, but we have 1 out, so.. it's all good.

Hey, Arby's, I have a beef. My beef is that Jason Bartlett doesn't play for us anymore. Can you change that?

Wow, Mike Lamb, you actually did something good?! And hey Justin, keep being hot. Thanks.

MAGGLIO CUT YOUR F-ING HAIR. (Score change! Twins 4, Tigers 2)

Top 7th (Twins 4, Tigers 2)
Maybe I'm insane, but Mike Lamb reminds me of Charlie Sheen. I bet that at-bat was better than what Charlie Sheen could do but.. you know.

Aw, Luis Castillo. I miss him. I actually watched the Brewers/Mets game on Saturday (just for J.J. Hardy, but when I realized Luis was playing I watched longer) and he was still being amazing. So.

Nate Robertson, it'd be nice if you could tell people when you get hurt. I was going to ask why you only went 4 innings but then I realized that it's actually the 7th. Uh, my bad I guess.

AWW AWW AWW I JUST SAW KEVIN SLOWEY AWW KEVIN SLOWEY AWWWW
oh nevermind I can't see him anymore because apparently Firestone thinks I need to see a box score of a game that I've been watching THE WHOLE FREAKIN TIME.

Go go go Tolbert. Aw, nevermind. Magglio "I don't know, what can scissors and shampoo do for you?" Ordonez decided to lumber over and catch it.

Carlos Gomez looks really sweet, kinda like a little child who eats candy all day and has A.D.D. And I mean that in the best way possible, because I'm starting to really like him. A lot. Even when he strikes out, because... well, he looks a lot better doing it than Jason Kubel. Oh, wait, you mean Carlos has struck out twice tonight? I didn't remember that mainly because three > two. Sorry Kubes.

Bottom 7th (Twins 4, Tigers 2)
I think the people at FSN are smoking crack or something because the score keeps changing and I have no idea what's going on. (Score change! Twins 4, Tigers 3 or something)

It's okay, Scott Baker, because we love you regardless of all these homeruns.

"Robertson left the game with left lat tightness." Or something.

I took Lat.
Not really.

I want the world to know that I still love Scruffles, a.k.a. Matt Guerrier.

Great Scott! ... Baker

Top 8th (Twins 4, Tigers 3)
Who in the hell is Darby Hendrickson? I really dislike all these new FSN cronies. Telly Tubby Hughes, that means you.

Morneau. Save us.

Hey, Mr. Ump? That 3-0 pitch wasn't a strike. Neither was that 3-1. I guess you're wearing beer goggles? Oh I guess that 3-2 was actually a strike, but Justin should have been on base. Whatever, Ump. It's not Justin's fault that you were misinformed about Canadian bacon your whole life. Don't take it out on him.

Bottom 8th (Twins 4, Tigers 3)
Jessaayyy Craynuh.

My sister (who is in 4th grade by the way) calls Placido Polanco "Poncho." I guess it kinda stuck. For me, at least. Walk, Poncho, walk. You walk to that base.

Aww, it looked like Joe Mauer was going to start hugging Jesse Crain. Or holding his side.. patting his stomach.. or something. Awww. Cute.

What the hell happened? Oh, Jesse Crain threw it to Justin and Justin couldn't grab it. Aw, that was messy. Justin really can't run. It's sad. I mean, I love him and all, but seriously, the man can't run. And I think Jason Kubel forgot he was supposed to go after that. Or maybe he was running too.

Dick's getting excited.
(Freaking perverts.)

Thank you, Baby Jesus, for catching that. I don't think I've ever taken notice as much as I have now of how hot Joe Mauer is. I'm not going to jump on the "I love the Minnesota Twins because Joe Mauer is hotter than a burrito from Taco Bell" bandwagon but he really is hot.

And while I was talking about Joe's hotness, Grease Master Magglio hits a double. (Score change! Twins 4, Tigers 4)

Wow, I was just helping my sister with her homework and all of a sudden somebody hits a homerun. (Score change! Tigers 6, Twins 4)

I think our bullpen sucks. What happened to this amazing bullpen of ours? Yeah, I think something happened. Insert Pat Neshek vegetarianism joke here.

Nice play, Morneau.

Top 9th (Tigers 6, Twins 4)
Aww, Brandon Inge is in. Yaah. I like him, kinda. If I had to choose a favorite Tiger it'd be him. That's as far as I'm going.

I think I just realized we're losing. Ouch.

HEY DELMON YOUNG. That was AMAZING. He dropped the damn ball, you got a triple! Dude, watching Leyland run makes me laugh my ass off. I'm horrible.

Craig Monroe. I'm pleading for you. Jason Kubel was dead long ago. Please, Craig, please! Keep fightin' them off. Wow, this is entertaining. You can tell Monroe wants to kill the Tigers right now. Yes, yes. Hey, I saw Michael. And Adam Everett in the dugout.

YAH CRAIG, RBI RBI RBI!! (Score change! Tigers 6, Twins 5)
Heyaa, Denard.

Way to not be, Mike Lamb.

TOLBERT! Oh my god. I bet he's super scared right now with all this hype. Aw, Matt Tolbert, you're adorable. Aww. Awwww. I'm having an aww-fest. I like this game. Matt Tolbert can do this. GEEZ. If that was a fair ball, that would have been a double. At least. I'm going to call Matt "Wheelies" now. Why? I don't know, he's kinda fast.

OH MY GOD WHAT IS WITH ALL OF THIS FOULING OFF 2 STRIKE PITCHES.
Awwwww, Matt is chewing bubble gum!
BALL 1. WHAT UP IVAN. Rodriguez.
God, my heart is racing. I can imagine Wheelies is dying right now, poor kid. Or maybe his nerves were all transferred to me? Why am I this nervous and anxious? My god.

Nice pick up, Wheelies. Aww. Foul tip? Aww, it's okay. I like him.. a lot.

No, I'm not watching Twins/Wild Live. No.

Final: Tigers 6, Twins 5.
... sweeeeeep.